Archive for July, 2012


Beware: Food Bandits

We’ve all heard the office tales about the coworker who placed their lunch in the communal refrigerator only to return hours later to find their food missing.

Imagine how you watched the clock all morning waiting for the internal clang of that lunch bell; your mouth watering in anticipation of those leftovers from the night before. You even might have bragged to another colleague about how you “put your foot” in that curry chicken dinner last night. Mmmmm, mmmmmm…you could’t wait until lunchtime!

Then came that magical hour. You could barely keep yourself from doing the Electric Slide into the kitchen area to retrieve your food. You opened the ‘fridge, scanned the contents, and pushed aside the unclaimed leftover sandwich and the decorative lunch tote. Then it hit you.

Where the hell is my food?!

You, my friend, have likely been hit by the food bandit. This is that person in the office who, though lacking proper home training, has instead mastered the art of scoring a meal without dropping a dime. This person has taken food-napping to the level of a competitive sport in which he or she is able to sniff, assess, remove, and consume (or dispose of) a meal all before being detected by the original food owner.

Though somewhat impressive, this “sport” will not earn this person an Olympic gold medal for his or her efforts. Instead, they may win a complimentary mass email to the entire office publicly shaming him/her for their thievery, the runner up’s prize of a red dye explosion on their shirt branding him/her as a thief, or the grand prize of tomorrow’s special dish, specially seasoned with a generous amount of Ex-Lax.

Whatever the prize may be, let’s just say…Game on!


Black Royalty

Each day I tell my daughter how beautiful she is. From her bronzed toes to the wooly roots of her kinky, proud crown of hair. In a world that would have her believe that she is unwanted because of the hue of her skin or the curl in her hair, I nurture in her a sense of her true origin. Her blood runs blue. She is created in HIS image. She is royalty.


Parenting tip: New babies

How do you respond when someone sends you a picture of their baby, and the baby clearly looks like he/she has labored on the Underground Railroad? Wrinkled face, bald head, and a scowl. Doesn’t that sound like someone who’s been doing hard time in the joint? Look, I know blowing embryonic bubbles in solitary confinement might take its toll on a youngster, but dang, you’re free now! At least give me a toothless grin.
Here’s a parenting tip:  If you have to turn your camera sideways to get a “better shot” of your new baby, you might want to rethink sending those baby pictures. I’m just sayin’… Sometimes we need to wait until the baby grows into his/her cuteness. 

Until then, I guess my response will just have to be “oh, my…she’s so…precious.”


A Woman’s Intuition

At age 18, I had a mini-“aha” moment that unknowingly defined the woman that I would become later in life. It came to me as I was sitting in a dark car across the street from my boyfriend’s house. Someone had alerted me hours earlier that he’d been seen kissing on then riding off with another girl. So, there I sat in the shadows waiting to see with my own eyes what my heart already knew.

Instead, as I lay in wait, questioning, wondering what I could have done wrong, something lit up inside me.

This wasn’t me. In those minutes, I realized that I did not want to – and would not – live my life that way, insecure, hiding in the shadows, waiting for rejection and hurt to come home. I was better than that, and I knew it.

Ladies, you are – we are – better than this. Don’t sit in the dark waiting for the truth to jump out and reveal itself. God didn’t give us intuition for nothing. So, if you see the red flags waving and the sirens blaring, run for cover and ask questions later. That revelation so many years ago taught me to listen to that inner voice that tells me when something is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Funny thing is I never saw if that boyfriend came home with someone else. I didn’t need to. I innately knew that if I kept digging, I would find dirt. However, there was one thing this country girl knew for sure – all worms come to the surface at some time or another.